WHY ARE YOU IN THAT RELATIONSHIP?

WORDS BY TAYO ADEJUMO

For any lady, whether we secretly acknowledge it or not, we all want to be in a relationship. We all desire the prefix ‘MRS ‘before our name. Likewise the dudes, you want someone to love you genuinely. You pray to have an understanding wife,a ‘perfect’ wife that will be the envy of those around you . All of these desires are common grounds for most of us, but our reasons for desiring are different.

This piece is basically directed towards outlining the wrong reasons people go into relationships
. First things first, THE WRONG EXPECTATIONS-

Going into a relationship should be based on love, and compatibility. When you have the wrong expectations, disappointment sets in which leads to hatred and frustration. If you are with him because he's rich or you are with her in order to guarantee yourself financial security, most definitely there will be a glitch .Whilst dating, its easy to be infatuated, when infatuated, everything seems right and perfect, then you have your own PROJECTIONS of him or her, you believe some certain things because you are carried away, you fail to weigh your options, you fail to see his pros and cons. You keep projecting awesomeness. At the end ,you start seeing the real ‘picture’. You see the real him or her, and problems set in, you start looking for a way out .Which might eventually lead to infidelity on your part.

I once had an experience way back in England. This guy I was dating had a girlfriend of 5 yrs in Nigeria. During our conversations her name always comes up. I am always so furious that in spite of me being with him, yet he is still emotionally connected to a girlfriend he hasn’t seen in a long while. I wanted to win him to me, and make him forget about his girl friend. When I achieved my aim, I realized we were not compatible.

A while back a friend of mine told me about a caption on the cover page of a Real estate magazine, which reads: “I need a man to marry to solve my accommodation problems" .if she indeed finds a man to marry, and get her dream house she will realize accommodation is going to be the least of her problems because human needs are unlimited. She will then have so many other needs that might not be met because she was blinded by her problem and went into a relationship for the wrong reason. She will then start wallowing in anger and pain because of her unmet expectations.




I have read stories of individuals who went into a relationship in order to secure their ‘Green card’ and live happily ever after. On the flip side, happiness eludes such people because behind their wrong motive, is a life of misery and confusion.

In Conclusion, friends don’t rush into a relationship. Work on yourself, know your desires, and be sure you have the right motive before you go into that relationship. Love yourself. Do this first, and you will soon attract that special loving other. Keep being your best self , while waiting. Waiting time is not wasted time.

Nigerian politics: A needless multiparty system .-Words By Wale Odunsi

By Wale Odunsi

wodunsi@yahoo.com

Prologue: Francois Hollande, a moderate Socialist was elected president of France on Sunday narrowly defeating the incumbent, Nicolas Sarkozy, a conservative in a TWO MAN run-off vote put at about 52 to 48 percent. Case closed. No fraud claims, no litigations. I had prepared the original of this commentary few days after the 2011 presidential election, but did not publish. At that time, I was in Jos, Plateau State for the mandatory one year National Youth Service. Providentially, the issue raised is still relevant thirteen months after. Enjoy the revised version.



Democracy is the free and equal right of every person to participate in a system of government, practiced by electing representatives of the people by the majority of the people. But the sixteenth president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln, felt the above definition was an overdose of English language. He consequently put it simpler by defining it as “the government of the people, by the people and for the people”. His view which is generally accepted has ever since been regarded as the most accurate and comprehensive.

Our democracy was restored over a decade ago, after many years of torturous autocratic rule. We heaved sigh of relief having witnessed disgusting tyranny at its crest. We stood united knowing full well that the chance to get out of the hitherto doldrums was here. While hundreds of defenseless citizens especially journalists and human rights crusaders were assaulted and thrown into the gulag, others became martyrs of liberty as they paid the supreme price.

Irrefutably, one of the key hallmarks in the tenets of democracy is the choice of expression and association. In fact this is considered as the single biggest gain of a democratic regime. However, the multiparty system currently practiced in the country appears to favor only a handful to the detriment of a strong and competitive polity.

In the 1999 general elections, three parties namely Alliance for Democracy (AD), All Peoples’ Party (APP as then known) and Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP) contested. After a keen battle of wits and vigor, the PDP presidential candidate General Olusegun Obasanjo was declared winner and return elected consequent upon the defeat of Chief Olu Falae candidate of a joint AD/APP ticket. Even as a youngster who was yet a legitimate voter, the furore that surrounded the electioneering was noticeable. The candidates were conspicuous and the general public was abreast of anything and everything about the polls.

Prior to the advent and eventual registration of new political parties, not a few analysts perceived the idea inessential. Expectedly, the proponents not only kicked but threatened fire and brimstone. Their braggadocio got inordinate by the day. They went further, dubbing critics “bad belles” and enemies of progress. It is against this backdrop that one is tempted to ask: Where are the political parties?

During the course of build up to the 2011 elections, most of the parties were as good as not being in the race. Of the registered fifty-two parties, less than half fielded candidates for all the elective posts. And of the sixteen parties that presented candidates for the number one seat in the land, less than six were serious contenders. Save for the incumbent Goodluck Jonathan and a few others that were visible, the rest were egoistic bystanders who were either too vague or equivocal. In spite of that, they refused to establish a coalition either by merger or alliance.

In the light of the foregoing, it is apt to say that a wise alternative to the charade of the opposition at the last general polls is for us to return to a two (or not more than three) party system. A situation whereby parties are unable garner one percent of votes casted is repugnant. How will the leadership of a party explain the inability of its candidate to secure a quadrant of ballots albeit he is from that area! The ambition of such aspirant was prima facie, a failed adventure right from inception. For instance, there is a party where the father is the national chairman and his son, the national secretary. What can a party like that offer other than intermittently organize tea revelries?

The PDP has been the ruling party at the federal level since 1999 for we have pampered it. In 2011 total votes, it proved its dominance by getting 58.89 per cent, while the Congress for Progressive Change got 31.98 per cent, Action Congress of Nigeria got 5.41 per cent, All Nigerian People’s Party got 2.40 per cent, and the remaining parties that participated got less than one per cent each. From the analysis, what we had was a minor contest. I cited the French election because it was not a one-horse race like we had here. It drew massive attention; it was very intense and unpredictable.

Now that the elections are over, the kindergarten ‘parties’ are asleep. Their alarm is set to quarter to next election year, while supposed members are back to normal business. To ensure sanity, the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) should in the same way it did some months ago, descend its hammer on more indolent political parties. I hope the jokers will in earnest throw in the towel. They should seek de-registration before they are humiliated. Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success. Futile political parties should either take a bow or be forcedly shown out! Nigeria as a politically active country is too big for clowns who tirelessly wander the polity despite woeful outings in elections.

7 COSTLY MISTAKES ENTERTAINERS MAKE

He who heeds counsel is wise’

-Proverbs 12:15


Quite often ,the people who move ahead, break barriers, and make a name for themselves in any sphere of life are individuals who yield to counsel.Obeying counsel is the pathway to greatness.Many are taking snail steps in their careers because they are too proud to do what works and bury the strategies they’ve grown to love to the extent that they are unwilling to change , even though its not setting them up for success.In this piece I will be sharing with you 7 costly mistakes entertainers make.These mistakes are drawn from my interactions with them and observations from the entertainment industry.



1.CHOOSING THE WRONG NAME

What’s in a name?.A name is an identity.Its a distinguishing element that sets you apart from the crowd.As an entertainer, a wrong name can repel people from your brand.I have seen artistes change their names at the peak of their careers,leaving their fans confused as to how to identify them from the army of artistes in the Nigerian entertainmnent world.

-- Black face of the defunct plantashun boyz changed his moniker to Blackface Naija

- Dat Nigga Raw changed his moniker to Mr Raw Nwanne.

I doubt if their fans call them this names.

The most important career decision you will ever make is what to christen yourself.Make sure your name represents the essence of your brand.


2.UNRESOLVED LEGAL BATTLES

It is suicidal to have an unresolved legal issue hanging on your career.Ignoring the legal terms of your career can ruin it.Upcoming entertainers are always in a rush to showcase their talents to the extent that they underestimate the legal terms of their contract.This reminds me of an experience I had with an upcoming artiste who told me all he desires is a label to sign him.In his words:’I am not bothered about these contract issues, I just need a label that can foot my career bills.’Before you sign that contract, make sure you contact a knowledgable lawyer.The legal issue Asa had with her erstwhile label almost ruined her career, thanks to her indomitable spirit.



3.NOT SAVING FOR THE RAINY DAY

Yes, you may be may be driving an hummer today, wearing expensive jewelries and footwears,living in the best mansion in town,but remember success has a short lifespan if its not multiplied and replicated.We have read stories of entertainers who made mega bucks from their careers but are struggling today, because they refused to invest their funds.It is not what you make that matters, but how much you invest after you’ve made the money.Save for the rainy day.



4.NOT UPPING YOUR GAME

The likes of Psquare,Asa, Tuface,Darey,Genevieve,Kunle Afolayan, are still relevant today because they didn’t rest on their oars.A writer once said:’The music industry is very much like my ex girlfriend.You are dumped in a hurry once they are tired of your presence’.Where are the likes of Marvellous Benjy, Azadus, Eddy remedy who were once the cream of the crop at a time?Entertainers like other professionals burn out quickly when their last hit, or last movie appearance is still their only claim to fame and relevance.Keep raising your game, and embracing personal development.Good is the enemy of great.


5.UNDERESTIMATING PUBLICITY.

Being talented is not enough.You have to publicize, and have all of the components of a great publicity campaign. You can be on a million social networking websites and social media websites, but people in the media are often times busy people – they do not have time to click on links to your social websites, without at least being enticed to do so. You have to have a press kit, biography, press releases…that is what will get you out there to the world.Expecting the media to automatically cover your new movie, event, song ,is not a proactive way of pushing your talent.I once approached a rising female rapper for an interview.She thought it was her right and not a privilege.She told me to call her manager before the interview can be granted…..playing the diva card on me.I forgot all about the proposed interview.Publicity is an ongoing activity that musn't be underestimated.


6. STAYING WHERE YOU ARE(THE LOCATION CHALLENGE)

One of the greatest threat to your talent is your environment.Everything God created has an environment where it can thrive.This is what I call your comfort zone.Newyork is the hub of entertainment in America.In the same vein, Lagos is the hub of entertainment in Nigeria.Entertainers make the mistake of not being flexible enough when they refuse to relocate to an environment that will open their talents up to more opportunities and make them gain visibility.This was what ruined the music career of stylplus who decided to stay in Abuja ignoring the counsel of colleagues to relocate to lagos.On the flipside the careers of Banky W, Tiwa savage,M.I, Iceprince, Tuface,witnessed a turnaround when they relocated to lagos.In Real esate, location is everything.It is your location that determines your allocation.



7.WAITING UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE(IGNORING YOUR HEALTH)

The phrase Live fast, die young and leave a good-looking corpse, originally spoken by actor John Derek in Nicholas Ray's Knock on Any Door (1949), emphasizes how unfulfilled promises have always been fascinating and intriguing for many of us. While some great artists lived up to their full potential, sometimes through decades of fruitful careers, others have passed away long before that.Taking care of your health is critical to how far you go in your career.Your dream of becoming a superstar can,t be achieved if you don’t take care of your health.Your body is a tool for living life, and if its in a bad shape,it will hamper your career.Therefor do not make the mistake of ignoring your health at the expense of your quest for wealth.Pay attention to your health.Always go for medical check –ups.

I hope this article has done justice to the outlined costly mistakes.Your career will blossom and rise above career threatening mishaps.Go make it happen!

Kehinde Ajose is a Talent development coach, publicist, and writer.Follow him on twitter @ splendidkenny.